i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Will exercising make me less horny?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
