I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
