guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
