She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
