Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We just shotgunned beers for America
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
there is puke in my bra ... again
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
