Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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