There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
someone owes me an orgasm
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
