I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
