Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
