Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize