Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Never joke about your clitoris.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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