I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Of course I have a pirate flag
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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