i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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