her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
