I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
