is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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