i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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