good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
