Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
