Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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