do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
