wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
