I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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