apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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