You smell like a Billy Joel song
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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