all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
