She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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