Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
