I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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