DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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