the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
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