Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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