I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
