I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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