Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
His nipple licking is glorious
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