ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
