Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
