Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
is that a dick in a sweater?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
