wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
