You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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