why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
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When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
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I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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