Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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