I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
