Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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