I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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