Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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