textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
