im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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