Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
