i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
