Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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