my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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