Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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