Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
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my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
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Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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