dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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