turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
