the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
