This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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